


kaboom

by spitboy



Category: overwatch
Genre: Acceptance, Anxiety, Chaos, Depression, Dysphoria, Explosions, FTM, Family Fluff, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Gay Character, Gay Male Character, Gender Dysphoria, Internal Conflict, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Overwatch Family, Protective Roadhog | Mako Rutledge, Self-Acceptance, Trans Character, Trans Junkrat | Jamison Fawkes, Trans Male Character, Transgender, roadrat - Freeform, top surgery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:34:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23643166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spitboy/pseuds/spitboy
Summary: written in july of 2018jamison has completed his transition but still suffers from dysphoria and the thought that his companions (and best friend) don't know one of the most important personal things about him (the fact that he’s transgender).
Relationships: Junkrat | Jamison Fawkes & Roadhog | Mako Rutledge, Junkrat | Jamison Fawkes/Roadhog | Mako Rutledge
Comments: 4
Kudos: 82





	1. nobody knows

“FIRE IN THE HOLE”

Junkrat’s riptire took off leaving behind a trail of smoke and rubber marks on the ground. As it exploded, so did the entirety of the enemy team as their bodies collided with each other leaving them motionless laying in a heap. Junkrat leaped into the air with glee.  
“Alroight Roadie, lets go claim that point!”

He grabbed his empire sized friend by the finger and led him along to claim the objective. Another day, another victory. Nothing too new. 

After what was essentially marking their territory, Junkrat and Roadhog, along with the rest of their team, made their way back to overwatch’s newest Australian headquarters to celebrate their recent victory. Of course, all thanks to Jamison’s riptire basically creating a rupture in the earth, due to its power.

”Good job Jamie, you finally did something useful.” Jack Morrison uttered, giving him a pat on the back as he walked by. Jamie puffed out his chest with a proud look on his mug, while Jack stood in front of the room, adjusting his jacket;

”Good work out there today, fellow soldiers. Now because of the impact we’ve made as a team, our enemies will need time to get themselves back together. So i believe those who were out there today deserve a short-term break from missionary action. No need to set any alarms tomorrow.” He said as he seated himself at the dinner table.

Lucio, Mako, Jesse, Mei, and Hana all gave each other high fives gleefully, celebrating the fact that they would have a couple days off from fighting. Jamison, meanwhile, felt the need to jump onto the dinner table and howl in excitement.

“WOOO, BREAKTIME YE BUNCH OF BASTARDS! LET’S GET PUMPED!”

Hana giggled “calm down Jamie! You scream like a girl.” Some quiet giggles radiated from the table.

The cheerful look was instantaneously wiped off of Jamison’s face, as his thick eyebrows furrowed slightly. He looked like he was melting into himself, his slouch amplifying.  
“Wh-…I, I what?…” he trailed off and slumped down into his chair. Everybody was so immensely confused by the sudden drop in overall tone. This was Jamison Fawkes, for god’s sake. He’s always bursting at the seams with excitement and energy. And to see it wiped off of his mug so fast was a little concerning. 

“Sorry Junkrat, i didn’t expect it to hurt your feelings so much!” Hana exclaimed, a concerned look on her face and a slight frown. Jamie put on a seemingly fake grin and plastered a cocky look on his face,  
“No issue here, mate. Friendly banter is all. Now i’ve gotta go use the lil’ boy’s room. I’ve gotta bomb to drop if you know what i mean.” He winked at everyone at the table as they all groaned in disgust.


	2. ouch

“Shit.” Jamie exclaimed, wiping a single tear from his eye.

Why did that hurt so much? Nobody knows, why did I have to make such a scene? Why am I crying? Everyone probably thinks there’s something wrong with me.

A wave of dysphoria wiped over him while he stared at himself with an angry look in the mirror. Making sure the door was locked, he removed his shirt to get a look at his faded scars, a painful memory of what used to be. He traced them with his fingers, trying to reassure himself mentally that the comment made was meaningless, playful, and that he’s still as much of a man as he always was. 

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

Jamison freaked out, banging his elbow on the counter and scrambling to put his shirt back on, as a dull sting ran up his arm.   
He wiped the remaining residue of tears off of his face. 

“Rat.”

a familiar, booming voice echoed through the cracks of the door. Jamie sighed in relief. “Mako? Sorry Tubs, i got distracted!” He said in a fake, chipper tone as his voice cracked.

”Open the door, Jamison.” Mako crossed his arms and huffed through his mask, waiting for his skinny little rat boy to look him in the face. Jamie reluctantly opened the door, trying to hide the redness on his face from crying. “So…let’s go set off some fireworks, huh Roadie?” He clasped his hands and rubbed them together with a smile as he started walking towards the back door. He was suddenly yanked back by the collar of his ripped, black shirt.

“Fireworks later. We need to talk.”

fuck. i’m not afraid of loosing another limb, or blowing myself up, or singing my hair off, but man am i scared shitless of talking to my best mate right now.

Roadhog sat on the bed they sometimes shared, and patted the spot next to him with his giant hand, patiently waiting for Junkrat to enter and sit down. 

Jamie entered the room slowly, rubbing his arm in discomfort, trying to quickly think about what he could say to derail the conversation from where he thought it was going. He sat down on the bed, avoiding eye contact with Mako.

”What happened tonight, Rat? You’ve been acting off lately.” He grunted and turned his head towards Jamie, who looked as if he could be on the brink of crying. 

The truth was, Jamie’s dysphoria had been acting up severely lately. The littlest things have been triggering him and sending him deeper into this spiral of self hatred.  
But of course he couldn’t tell Mako that.

“I’ve just been tired, Roadie. Ya know how it is. Blowing things up, stealing gold, setting ya self on fire every now n’ then. It’s busy work!” He fake yawned and ran his metal hand through his burnt tufts of hair. He flicked a piece of charcoal across the room that he pulled from his thin locks and looked up at his friend. “Whatever it is, can it wait until the mornin’? I’ve been itchin’ to set off these new fireworks and make a scene!” Junkrat looked up at Roadhog with pleading eyes and his lip jutted out, as if he was a 4 year old begging to enter a candy shop. 

“Fine. Go be an idiot out back.” Mako shook his head slightly and Jamie jumped up from the bed, grabbing a pack of matches and running out of the bedroom door. 

“SWEET DREAMS N’ GOODNIGHT, MATE!” He quickly uttered as he exited the building, leaving Mako to sit alone, wondering what could possibly be bothering the closest person he has in his life.

He was determined to get his little pet rat to talk to him.


	3. k’o!

It was first thing in the morning and Mako, already somehow awake, boomed downstairs and out of the back door of the large building he was in. He approached a heaving mass of charcoal and singed hair, on a patch of burnt grass, which ended up being a sleeping Jamie. A long string of drool was dripping from his mouth along with an obnoxious snore, which Mako found sort of cute for some reason. He bent down on one knee and placed a hand on Jamison’s back, turning him over on the grass so he wasn’t laying on his side, staining the shirt and pants Mako would later have to wash. He carefully wiped the drool from his lip with a single flick of a finger, arose, and yelled; ”WAKE UP, RAT!”

The pale, skinny boy convulsed and sat up with sudden panic being awoken from his deep sleep. “WHAT THE BLOODY HE- oh! G’mornin’, Mako! I guess a dud must’ve hit me head and knocked me out last night!” He snickered, rubbed a sore spot on his temple, and stood up, losing his balance for a second but regaining it back almost immendiantly. Mako shook his head, a smile veaguely appearing under his mask, showing in his eyes. “Oi, is that a grin I detect?…can I have a little look?” Jamie attempted slowly lifting Hog’s mask from the bottom, only to receive a slap on the hand. 

“No. Not gonna happen.” 

“Oh, c’mon! I wanna see that handsome mug!” He pleaded, keeping his hands to himself this time. 

Mako thought for a moment. This is his best friend after all. His best friend who’s never seen his face. For God’s sake; Mako himself doesn’t even really remember what his facial features look like altogether anymore. He looked at the frowning rat. What a stupidly cute bastard, he thought. 

“Maybe. Depends.”

”Ooh, goody! On what?” He bit his lip trying to contain his excitement and the shit-eating grin he was fighting back.

“On you, Rat. Let’s go get breakfast.” He said as he turned and walked inside to go get a stack of pancakes. Junkrat shuffled foreward groggily but willingly, wondering what the new day had in store for him.


	4. oopsie

“What the hell is THIS?” Roadhog said, picking up a cold bag of burnt bacon that was obviously hidden from him. Junkrat hobbled over, his peg leg clanking against the solid kitchen floor. He clasped his hand over Hog’s mouth (well, mask). “Mako!” He whisper-yelled. “Usually i would be all for loudly waking up the others to be annoying, but i can’t let Morrison see what i did to the yard out back yet!” 

“What did you do, Jamie?” Mako said with a concerned tone, dropping the bag of bacon in the garbage disposal. When he walked outside to get Jamison earlier on, it was too dim to take a look around and see what damage had been done, plus his attention was focused on that stupid string of drool dripping out of Rat’s mouth. Junkrat silently grabbed Mako’s pointer finger and led him outside.

”Jamison Fawkes… where is Jack’s Grill?”

Jamie tried to keep his mouth shut from the laughter about to burst through his lips. He pointed to a pile of unrecognizable scraps of metal and ash. 

“Heh… guess the Grillmaster’s grill got… grilled.” Jamison bursted into laughter at his own unfunny joke and slapped his knee. Mako couldn’t help but chuckle, even though his anger was about to boil over. The yard was an actual mess. There was a layer of what looked like smog to be covering the entirety of the ground, random spots of grass that caught on fire, used up and burnt out firecrackers, and what was left of Jack Morrison’s grill, amongst other unrecognizable things. 

“You know we have to go get him a new grill, right, idiot?” Mako snorted. 

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go steal one before they all wake up, eh mate?” Junkrat playfully knuged Mako with his elbow. 

“Fine. But first just let me…” Mako’s deep voice trailed off as he went back into the house and picked up a bright pink sticky note and wrote something almost illegible on it. He stuck it on the pile of burnt scrap metal. 

“Sorry about your grill, but it was an eyesore anyways. -Rat” 

Junkrat glared at his big friend for signing his name, but understood why. As a matter of fact, he WAS the one who annihilated the entire yard. 

Well, guess it’s time to go steal some shit.


	5. i’m worried

Jamison and Mako arrived at a comically huge and filthy junkyard to dig up an old grill. They spent so much effort stealing money and gold, so why the hell spend it on something so stupid? Honestly, Mako didn’t even really like Jack’s grilling that much, but humored him regardless.   
Jamie ran over to a huge pile and began to excitedly rummage through revolting trash, “Mako! Look! I found Jesse’s hat!” Jamison laughed and held up a barely recognizable fedora, torn up and covered in mud. ”Yeehaw pardner, giddy up and let’s go LINE DANCIN’!” Jamie giggled uncontrollably as he put the hat on his head.

Mako snickered to himself. “Get back to work, Rat. We hafta find a stupid fuckin’ grill.” He used his giant hands to bulldoze random items out of his way. The two were completely quiet for about 3 minuets before Jamie broke the strange silence. 

“So, Mako… buddy, pal, mate, chum… will I ever get to see your beautiful face? I mean I’ve been just dying for YEARS to know whatcha look like unda’ there. And I-“

”I told you it depends.”

”Well… on what, again?” 

“On you, dumbass.” Mako snorted through his mask. Jamison sighed in a confused manner, thinking hard to himself. He had an underlying feeling about what he meant by that, but he was so preoccupied with emotions he couldn’t really put his finger on it. Mako noticed his facial expression and turned towards him.  
“Open up to me, Jamison.” Jamie was slightly shocked. Of all the years they’ve known each other, Mako never really prauded at knowing about Jamison’s personal life before. He never even really asked personal questions, the deepest thing they probably know about each other up to this point was their favorite foods.

”I-I don’t really get it, Hoggy” Jamie smiled crookedly, his eyebrows arched in concern. “Jamison, you’ve been acting… odd. You spend hours locked in the bathroom, you skip dinners, you seem sad. You’re not acting like… ‘Junkrat’ anymore. I’m worried about you.”

Poor Jamie went silent, a tear threatening to leave the corner of his right eye. He was really shaken up by the sudden interest and question. He wasn’t really ready to tell anybody about him being trans. Christ, he didn’t even admit it to himself until he turned 17, and he’s only 24 now. He felt his face grow hot and his hands begin to shake. 

“I-I just, I don’t-“ his breath hitched slightly as he wiped dirt from his sweaty forehead. 

“It’s okay, Rat. I’m just worried, that’s all.” Mako guiltily stomped over to Jamie’s shaking form, pulled his mask up to expose his dark, plump lips, and planted a soft, short kiss on the blondie’s ash covered forehead. He yanked his mask back down without saying another word, and headed back to where he was originally rummaging through scraps. Jamie melted a little and his charcoal filled heart fluttered with sudden curiosity.


	6. dad 76

As Junkrat and Roadhog pulled up on a crusty motorbike to the front of the place the team shared, they heard a loud, booming scream;

”WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY GRILL? JAMISON FAWKES, MARCH.”   
He expected Jamie to run downstairs, but he instead busted through the front door riding on a giant, rusty grill being rolled foreward by Mako. “Sorry, Jackie Boy! Had a lil accident last noight’ n went out to get ya a brand new one!” He patted the side of the thing twice and purred, “This baby will be able to fry us up some good old fashion grillmasta’ steak-“

”Go to your damn room, Jamison.” Jack angrily jutted his hand out pointing upstairs. Jamie’s mouth dropped open and it quickly turned into a smile. “Oh-ho, I get it. Yeah yeah, I’ve learned me lesson. Won’t do it again. I’ll just go put ya’ new beaut outside and be on with me day.” He squatted on the grill, “ONWARD, HOGGY!” Mako pushed the grill foreward and Jack put his hand on it to stop it.

”Thanks Rutledge, but your help won’t be necessary anymore.”, he smiled slightly at Mako, nodding his head. “As for you, Kid. In your room. Now.” Jamie’s eye twitched comically and he looked at his potbellied friend for support. As he glanced around, he noticed Lucio and Hana at the end of the stairs watching with smirks as Jamie finally got criticized for acting like a child. “You’re kidding, roight Morrison? I’m a man! I’m not a kid for you to boss me around, mate.” He stepped up to Jack’s face and frowned angrily. 

“As long as you’re under my roof, you’re my problem, and you do what I say.” He grunted. He has a tendency to wake up with his Dad-O-Meter on full blast, but it’s usually Hana who gets sent up to her room like this for keeping him up til 3 AM because her Nintendo 3DS is too loud.

“What the bloody hell?” Jamie started, but after he saw the shift in Morrison’s facial expression and heard him crack his knuckles, he knew this was a serious thing.

”Fine, but only to humor you ‘dad’.” Jamie said sarcastically and rolled his eyes. All of a sudden he felt as if he reverted back into his early teenage years. Jack does this a lot to Hana, Tracer, Lucio and even Mccree sometimes for God’s sake. Obviously a shitty habit, but the man has zero chill. Jamie turned around to flip Jack off, but noticed his best friend following close behind up the narrow stairway. He felt a wave of contentness wash over him realizing he’ll have some alone time with his best mate. Maybe it was a good thing that Morrison went full batshit-dad crazy on him.


	7. it’s time

“I mean who the hell does he think he is? Bossing me around like I’m some kinda goddamn infant? Pft, as if!” Jamie crossed his arms and puffed. Mako laughed at the comments he was making, Jamie was ranting for almost 5 minuets since they got into the room. He sighed dramatically and flopped onto the bed, “I’m bored, Hoggy. What do you wanna talk about?” 

Mako thought for a moment and laid down stiffly next to the rat. He just grunted in response. Jamison could tell that Mako was kind of upset at him for not opening up. Although he couldn’t understand the gravity of the situation, he was just worried about Jamie’s wellbeing. As much as it’s been eating away at Jamie, it’s been plaguing the mind of Mako as well.

Maybe if I tell him, I’ll feel better. No! Stupid! I could lose a friend by doing that! God, I won’t be able to keep this to myself forever! I’ve known Roadie for like 4 years, he can’t hate me for this… we’re best friends…I could ruin things between us. What’s wrong with me? 

Jamie‘s facial expressions were changing every ten seconds as he had an internal battle with himself over what to do. He was overthinking, and sudden dysphoria was overtaking his mind and causing him to shake slightly. Lately he’s been getting extremely dysphoric and depressed, but tries to ignore it relentlessly. Though now was the perfect time to bring it to attention, he didn’t know what the hell to say or how to say it. He unconsciously started crying a little, tears running down his cheeks as he pulled the blanket up and wiped them away. A sniffle escaped his pointy, freckled nose and Mako sat up to see what was happening. He’s never seen Jamison so upset in his life. Rat never cries in front of anybody, the only emotions he thought Jamie was capable of were anger and excitement. Mako reached his oversized hand under Jamie’s head and lifted him so he was in an upright position. He looked up into Mako’s mask with sad, glazed eyes. “Please, talk to me Jamie. I care.” He used his giant thumb to wipe the snot and tears off of his face and scooted closer, genuinely worried and confused. Although Mako puts up a tough and stiff exterior, he genuinely cares about his friend more than anything else he’s known. This is the first time that either of them showed each other a ‘soft spot’.

“O-Okay. B-but you swear you won’t h-hate me, Mako? Promise?” He averted his eyes, staring at his chipped painted nails. A soft hiccup escaped his mouth.

“I love you, Jamie. I promise.” Mako sniffled quietly, a reassuring smile spreading across his cheeks that could be faintly seen in his watery eyes. He lifted Jamie’s face up softly by his chin. 

“Now, talk to me.”


	8. thanks, mate

Jamison took a deep breath and held it. He looked up at Mako, gazing into his eyes. Which was difficult because the goggles of his mask were fogging up. Jamie decided in his head that he didn’t want to speak, because for him it would be too difficult, his breath was too shaky and he knew his voice would crack. He jutted his lip out and started crying again. Tears dripped off of his face and down his chin as he reached to pull his shirt off. He yanked it up in an excruciatingly slow manner, at this point, Mako started to tear up from seeing his best friend in such a depressed state. He had no idea what was happening, but understood at this point how difficult it was for him. Jamie let out one last puff of air as he took his shirt off exposing his top surgery scars and threw it angrily on the carpeted floor beneath them. “I’m not who you thought I was, Mako.” He wrapped his hands around his head and loudly sobbed. Mako instinctively scooped up his quivering body and pulled him into his lap, hugging tightly. 

“You’re exactly who I thought you were.” “And what’s that, huh? Mako? A liar?” He wiped a string of mucus dripping from his nose and hiccuped profusely while trying to catch his quick paced breath. 

“A man, Jamie. The strongest one I know.” He reached, caressing Jamie’s cheeks with his huge hands. The thin boy glanced up at Mako, as he almost immediantly unstrapped his mask and tossed it to where Jamie threw his shirt. Jamison was in awe. He was completely captivated, so much so that his tears ceased to fall as fast as they were. He took note of all Mako’s features; his plump lips, bulbous nose, deep set eyes and ice blue irises. Jamie moved a hand from covering his chest up to Mako’s face.

”See? Now neither of us need to be afraid of who we are.” Mako warmly smiled, blinking tears away from his pale eyes. A light giggle escaped his lips at the sight of Jamie’s awe-stricken mug. He took the boy’s other hand from covering his chest and moved them around his thick neck so Jamie wouldn’t feel he had to hide himself anymore. Mako really thought highly of this kid, despite him never showing it. Jamie’s typical ‘junkrat’ grin eased into his face as he began to laugh out of pure relief. He grabbed the back of Mako’s head and pulled it foreward, engaging in a short but passionate kiss. A strong blush emerged on both their faces. 

“I love you, idiot.” Mako hardily laughed, planting kisses all over Jamie’s face as he uncontrollably giggled. Mako pressed his forehead against Jamie’s and looked down to subtly get a clearer look at his scars, which Mako thought were so fucking admirable. He rubbed Jamison’s back slowly with his beefy hand to reassure him that nothing has changed. Jamison’s tears cleared up as he spoke in a raspy voice; “Thanks, mate.”


End file.
